Only in Indian movies

WARNING: This post might take away your Indian pride. Also a hint of profannnny profanity

Lets face this shit. Indian movies are down right ridiculous when it comes to incorporating realism or reality or whatever fuck you call it.

Songs in movies are fine..wait or at least we got shaped into the idea of having songs popping out of nowhere in movies, because we are very musically inclined people and so on.

Acceptable, or maybe i dont have a fuckin choice than to back my language and culture up.

Tamil.

My post is gonna be mostly on tamil films as i am one of them. The other Indian movies are equally retarded and im not gonna be an ass and rant about it.

whatever it is, do not fuck with this guy.

Lets see:

1. The heroes, the the ugly fuckers if you will have ugly hairstyles. The style got stuck somewhere in between the 80's shift to 90's with a hint of male horse's anus.

2. Moustache. Pubic hair look alike. They look awefully stupid. Im not condemning males having moustaches. Only 1 in a million will look with it. Like my dad. Others however look like they have a location crisis with their pubic hair positioning.

3. Heroines and bad miming. Because they are not Tamils but of course thats not an excuse. We dont get that shit in Hollywood. Perfection is important. Not in Indian movies though.

4. Old motherfuckers still playing the role of college student. Forever 25. More face wrinkles than zebra stripes with bellies looking like old pizzas.

5. Getting piss drunk is as easy as:
1. Pour liquor into glass
2. Bottoms up
<>
3. Put down the glass.

As you can see, they will be drunk between the action of 2 & 3. I dont get it. You can witness this shit in every other movie.

6. Fat bitches being sexy. Or at least trying. Nuff said.

7. Villans regretting their mistakes and changing to saints after a 2 minutes of gibberish motivational advice by the hero. What the fuck? He could have done it in the beginning of the movie and saved us a whole load of shit.

8. People disappearing in a blink. Dont think hard. You know that shit. Ting!

9. Bullet evading, gravity defying, somersaulting, horse riding, sliding under a trailer heroes.

10. Horrible usage of English. You you you! Rascol! Sheddap! Out i say! By the bai (wtf) nansense, country brute and so on.
11. Its fine when a man wears hot pink shirt. Usually will be America mapillai.

12. Father in laws to be are usually the villans. They are not tired of this shit yet.

13. Rich people are bad people.

14. Heroes are ugly and they are not aware of it.

15. You can get away with a murder if you are the hero. Good course mah.

16. Sex scene. If you dont wanna show boobies, dont show it at all. We dont need that shit.

17. Women who are giving birth screaming like horse-rape victims.

18. A blood donor is always needed at all times. Always turns out to be a medical miracles. The doctors dont know shit.

19. The first thug who gets whacked always hit an electric post.

20. Double role is normal. And guess what, they are not twins.

21. Heroes getting rich over a song.

22. Heroes can generate little thyphoons.

23. Heroes usually have high level of tolerence. However if he gets pissed off...

24. Wardrobe and choices of colors are unacceptable. Like they are color blind. Or retarded.

25. Cars can crash from 39 feet in air and still will be okay to drive. Fuck you.

26. Cars in tamil movies will always have alignment problem. Watch them as they steer.

27. You can see beautiful girls in jeans walking in chennai. That shit is not true. No shit. I've been there. All you get is piss smelling roads.


Out!

December

Short story

#1

Cotton candy. That was the last thing in his head before the spear split his head open.

He never liked Africa since he was 6.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tweetbot - Why this twitter client?

Im not gonna write a review on a Twitter client. Okay maybe it is a review, but definitely to in depth, up your arse kind of review.

Gotta tell you this, i have not gotten so attached to an electronic device before the my iPhone. I can do pretty much anything with it, from mails to porn, also all those social shit that you guys already know about.

I chose Tweetbot over Twitter for iPhone for a couple of prominent, weighty reasons.

1) Visually appealing - yes some may say its not entirely important, mostly Android users, but as for me, a design junkie, eye candy is important, and Tweetbot UI has a different feel to it all together, making the user experience an awesome, fun one.

2) Details - the amount of details they have put together in designing this app is awesome. I cant really tell you all those shit here, try it.

3) Notifications - previously, push notification was unavailable for Tweetbot, they got it sorted few days back, plus you have an option to receive mentions notification ONLY FROM THE PEOPLE YOU FOLLOW. Good shit.

The Drawback ...its not FREE. But you can always jailbreak your head phone.

Now i feel like a geek. Jesus.

for more info: http://tapbots.com/software/tweetbot/

Ta.

Names. Why?

Capsicum is such a cool sounding word for fuckin green peppers.

Like anchovies.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lets deal.

I noticed that something's stupidly wrong with the colors to this site.


Lets deal with it.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#learntamil

WARNING: This post might hurt you. I did not make this up. It happens around us.

And this is not the conventional Tamil spoken throughout the world, this is our Malaysian version.

I tweeted these shitload of words a couple of days ago. Though I'd compile it here too.

Here we go: -

Amaleh Ganja is Holy Shit.

Kaingeh sette is your mate is screwed up or backstabbed.

Kawa sama kawa kanji uturan means friends should help each other

Mama jama puma means | mama is uncle (you address urself as uncle) jama (your tool) puma (the feline)

Enakku muka illaiya? Means so youre not respecting me?

Enakku kainge lebat means i have shitload of friends.

Kainge ligat lah means he's one cunning mofo.

Jokucikap means your joke is so funny.

Mayrachi means aahh eff this la. Normally falls into lets do this shit context.

Un public pambaiyeh mude means shut ur stinky mouth up.

Kena tiang machi means i defeated him.

Aven senjus! Means someone who cant keep his promise. Like ffk in chinese.

Cari makan means what it means in Malay.

Senjanda Sivaji is to be used to express the grief when someone cheatednor f'd u over BIG TIME.

Sarakku means a beautiful girl.

Katthi sarakku means a very beautiful girl.

Sappeh matter means small matter dont talk about it.

Allaaamaaaahhhh means wow! You have u sustain the word for at least 6 seconds.

Kainge hidup la means he's doing good in life. Often related to financial freedom.

Semme kurang means he is damn rude or 'kurang ajar'

Karuppa irunthalum nereppu means im fire even when im black. Just to show that u r dominant even if u r extremely dark.

Kambathu saraku means girl from the hood, kampung.

Rightu vidu is used when you dont anything to say as a comeback.

Sembaruthi poo means bunga raya. (know your flowers)

Ot***da orang tua means omg he f'd us big time!

Ponneh surre machi means im very drunk bro.

Tarik kainge means friends who run car towing business or works for them. Usually notorious.

Satu hati kawa means One Love.

Surre sumbat means drunk beyond acceptable level. Pissed drunk.

Keypak means dance. Usually the folk dance performed when u r getting drunk.

Lau beds means love birds.

Ponneh bijak la nee means so you're smart? Usually in a sarcastic manner.

Tigasepuluh means a place that sells beer. 3 cans for RM10.00

Jagat means mean, notorious, gangster, tough mofo, criminal and so on along this line.

Mampululuthimambo means big shot, top dog, sick mofo.

Pacchaiya pulliya? Means carlsberg or tiger? In that order.

Kutthuvoma? Means shall we eat/dance?

Muka Jatuh means someone's in shame.

Number kainge means friends who are into organized gangsterism.

Cantik macam bunga means what it means. Literallly.

Mamamitha. I dont know what it means but usually comes with a chest beating gesture.

Nai means Guinness Stout. Literally means dog.

Bob Malek means Bob Marley.

Zettu means Yamaha RXZ. Emmu means Yamaha TZM.

Slack means someone who spoke wrongly. Provoking speech. Can be used for other situations like food. E.g food slack la.

Roku means marijuana.

See'hate means cigarette. Sometimes Seagate. (thanks Dr.Suresh)

Kira dashyat la nee? Means so youre dashyat la? Usually used in speech of provoke.

Sappi means softie.

Sargar means police. Also moottai. Meppadayan

Kalinjan means corward.

Pi-kalinjan means extreme coward. A pussy.

Puluthi kacang means a big shot wannabe or you hate.

Savadi sambar means total awesomeness. E.g heard Syze's new track? Savadi sambar!

Paati plug means .... Up to u, really.

Matti plug means a stupid person.

Pi thombu means a drum of shit. Usually used to address a real dark person.

Paan jaanhn (panjang) means a tall person.

Sayur means a weak person.

Bintang terang/cerah means to express luck. Usually when someone escapes an accident or a fight.

Bintang means drunk/high.

Rastali means...a type of banana. (complimentary, know your fruits okay?)

Balti means revert. Like karma. U know.

Solungge bang means speak up bro/dude.

Done.

Back on. For real. This time.

Its like heating up a 3 year old fish curry. Just to get the aroma or shall i say just for fucks.

Come to think of it, i should have continued blogging from where it was left unattended. Is that a right word? Okay, point ; i am all mobile now, so i can write senseless, your mom offending stuffs once again. Will post something on Indians tonight. Its always fun.

Fun.


Out.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Shall start spitting back?

WARNING: Im back. Bleh

Fucking hell its been ages since i read a book or the fucking newspaper. And i'm not gonna say i did not have the time, maybe i'm just more ignorant, oblivious and older now. I was thinking of starting back my blogging shit since this is a great way to channel your frustration towards the humanity, old hags, disco kitties, and ugly illegal immigrants. The question is, where shall i start, or better still how?

Fuck. Seriously im out of ideas on what to write. I practically verbally abused and damaged 1.2 million people plus random objects when i was actively spanking blogging like some 4 years ago. Did i say spank? Ooh.

FOUR FUCKIN YEARS.

Somebody shoot me.

Maybe you shouldn't. Right, so getting back to the point where i halted. I halted? Is that correct? Some English Whiz, please correct me if I'm not. But i think, if think hard enough, theres like at least 6 million newly popped shit that i can rant about since i stopped 3-4 years ago. Let me get back to my sense and start on something intersting on the next post.

I am not sure if i have readers now.

I used to. And i miss them.

I miss the color red.

So get ready people (if there's any la). Im gonna start fucking the universe soon. That's all for now.

OUT!

p/s: Darshini, this is for you.

What has changed?

I have been caught up with some tremendous amount of work. Both restaurant and designs, so you know...i havent really got a decent time to blog about something decent indecent like always do, once upon a time. 

Fuck, i think im aging.

Anyway, being a little observent nowadays, i came to see alot of fucking irritating characters walking in human form, born without fuckin brains. People who live with monkey crotch on their head instead of brains. I will elaborate this separetely on a new post real soon. 

What has changed?
Nothing much, really.

Tamil movies still suckin eggs, moustached motherfuckers still dancing for no fuckin reason. 

I have gotten myself a faster car now. But what the fuck, how fast can you go with ladies on the road. Gaah.

I work my ass off 7 days a week now. No off, no movies, no green peppers.

Im still waiting to shave a monkey and set it on fire. Anyone's with me?

No blogging resources are limited. Help!

Earth hour was really pointless propaganda. Lets see if they have bra hour..like you know..take it off for an hour. @.@

Chinese boys still have parrotheads.

Indians Machas have obsessions over sling bags and cheap mango pickles now.

Politics...sheesh. Let it be for now.

That was my time. Good luck, motherfuckers.

Oh yea, to my fellow designers, im working on Rabbit Mac of PSYCHO.unit's album cd cover and inlay design. Will pop it up once it up for the release.

Out!

Fuck you terrorists.

A woman cries, during a candlelight march for the victims of the Mumbai terrorist attack in which more than 195 people were killed, in Mumbai, India, Saturday, Nov. 29, 2008. (AP Photo/Altaf Qadri) #

--- 

God bless the rest.

..

HELP!

Woohooo!!! not.

She's married now. I felt everything around me was meaningless for a moment.

Then i continued tracing maps in my Illustrator CS3, guess life goes on eh?

Gooday!

Cats

WARNING: ...cats

All the females felines near my office area are either pregnant or ....pregnant.

I suppose there's one motherfuckin horny male cat goin around here on a mission everyday.

Good day.

Fucking Claypot Chicken Rice.

WARNING: A post driven by tonnes of frustration towards technology, humanity, and claypot chicken rice.

Yesterday, my work had to stall for a bit, wait, not for a bit, for about three quarter throughout the day because my fuckin Illustrator CS3 installed on my office PC failed on me graciously for some prominent apparent reason which was, it was not registered coz the bloody crack refused to work due to PMS or whatsofuckin ever at the first place. Yes, its a pirate copy, because using licensed software in Malaysia is like practicing voodoo. No one does it nowadays, if at all you do, you're an ugly bitch witch.

So, yes i was very frustrated, so i headed to Summit USJ, a place without any enforcement towards the pirated softwares, dvd's, handful of ghostly Indons and more, and happily bought a DVD called Adobe CS3 Master Collection (it wasnt packaged like what the picture potrays, you know). It was 12 bucks, pretty expensive if you ask me. Then i was a happy man. I headed back office and was drooling before i could install them and make full use on the RM12 investment.

So i started the installation process, the time was approxiametly 2330. Before the set up begin, it showed an error message, at this point i knew its gonna be a hell of night to get this shit work right, and it was one hell of a night. I wanted to kill the very next cat that crosses my view. 

I had no choice but to seek help. See, in the surrounding 1.5 km of my office lot area, at that time, you can only find foreigners, Burmese, Bangla fuckholes, Indon, Vijayacunt fans and other unidentified race of people. So i cant seek help from these bunch of idiotic motherfuckers. Period. I did what we do the best, Google that shit up, and i found out that in order to install the master collection, i will need to remove all the existing Adobe softwares and its shared components. So i did, at this point i was taking a great risk, simply coz after removing these shit, and the new installer failed to work, you would've seen my face on the newspaper for setting a block of offices on fire, with kerosene. Petrol is so expesive these days.

Finally it did work after 3 attemps of installation, and the process ended at 0430 which resulted me being late for the next day of work, and evetually slowed pretty much everything down towards the day. Thanks to Adobe's weird way of getting their shit in your machine, but really i shouldnt  be complaining, coz it was only 12 bucks.

-----------

Earlier today, like 11pm, i found myself in the middle of Dubai strip (also known as Jln Bukit Bintang) wearing 3 quarter pants, and selipar Jepun, with an old tshirt and rape scene like hair, which i wouldnt wanna bother explaining why. 

So i went to meet a client right, beside federal hotel, it was this oriental chill out bar, so i went there and swtiched on my laptop to show them my design drafts, but this time the fuckin DELL fucked my in the brains by not working properly, i reboot the system about 3 times and finally got it working. And then, the clients decided to shift the location. 

So i had to walk to other part of the street with my lap top turned on and opened throught out the journey to the other side, i had to cross the road and shit with alot of people around. I explained to you how i looked already, plus here comes the retarded act of bringing an opened laptop around. I swear i felt like a jackass, or a junkie who just got lucky by stealing some Turkish guy's laptop.

Might taste like cat poo

We headed to the claypot chicken rice shop in Jln Alor, the chair was wet, the table was wet, there i was holding the laptop and the optical mouse didnt work properly either. But i pretty much settled things up and headed back home and here i am blogging after a long time. I wonder if anyone still reads my posts. Yes or no, im prolly blogging for myself.

On an unrelated issue, my readers prolly will remember a post about 'she' about 2 years back. Some of you know we eventually dated for sometime, and that girl, the person once i loved the most, is getting married next month.

I feel pretty lost. Guess thats why im blogging.

Out!
d.

Women - drivers from HELL

WARNING: Profanity at its best as always.
Emotionally driven whining for equal driving rights girls will not be entertained.
Webcam strippers are welcomed.

Women drivers are worst form of creatures from hell that you can ever witness on the road with your naked eyes, next to highway crossing airheaded banglas and indons, we'll leave the fuckin immigrants for now. One of many bad things that happened in the world is the idea of allowing women on the road. The greatest mistake of the millennium.

Women should take cabs.

Women cant drive. Period. No matter whatever fuck they gotta say..they just cant fuckin drive properly. Things women drivers do that pisses the fuck outta me in less than 0.24 seconds as follows :-

1. Its either they dont or they over use the signal/indicators. Sometimes they just take the turn without warning. Think about the banglas who died due to this stupid no indicator syndrome.

2. Have you seen these young mothers who drive to fetch the little idiots off the school? Have you seen them all geared up? Yes, those long sleeved shirt worn the other way around, sunglasses, HAT!? wtf @#$. They have more gears on than mongolian rock climbers and your next door Indian plumber.

3. Why do women drive beamers? Its a disgrace, to both the car and humanity.

4. Women stop at roundabouts to give way to others to come in. NO! Thats so wrong.

5. They can perfectly fit fuckin contact lenses on the eyes with nothing going wrong, but cant park a small ass car in a big parking that could fit a motorboat ,a couple banana trees, and a complimentary bangla.

6. Women complain about their cars not having enough pick up. There will be 2 scenarios for this one. One, its a 650cc Kancil, so...there wont be any pick up for this 3 pistoned motorbike engined crap. Second, they complain there's no pick up after driving 60km with the handbrakes on.

7. They dont really know the law. Let me tell you what happened a couple of years back. I was in a terrible mood and banged a women's car that was in front of me. Any idiot should know what it was my mistake coz i banged it from the back. Woot! /shy. Anyway it was a turning to the left to the main road..so yes i banged her car. And i stopped my car to settle the issues with her, she stopped for a few seconds and she she just sped away. She ran away. Maybe you can say she was afraid of me or some shit..the thing is i was still in the car and i dont think so its so visible to see me in the car coz it was quite a distance. I proceed by chasing her on the highway and overtook her but she did not even look. She was running. I dont know why that happened. Prolly shes just plain stupid.

Women should not drive. Never ever. Just be cool and let the guys drive you around. And you dont have to take off you shoes to drive anymore.

Here's a complimentary kucing pic.

out.

Eyecandy at its best

Im loving my browser to the bones. Been using Opera Web Browser for more than a year now, and its getting better, Version 9 was just released. Eyecandy user interface cant get any better than this. Gone were the fuckin days when i used to browse with Internet Explorer, technically the worst browser anyone can ever get theirs hand on. I vaguely remember how it looks line, i remember the monkey that bit my sister in Penang years ago better. Opera is seriously a sexy browser. R0X0rZ mY b0x0Rzz!! wtf.

Well, download Opera if you're sick and tired of both IE and Mozilla.

Gah!

A big hairy turban'ed Singh kissed me on the forehead yesterday for no apparent reason.





Im traumatized.







Help.

The Dog

Well, sometimes you're the dog,

and sometimes you're the hydrant.

Which one is you?


Im the hydrant right now.


out.

Angkasawan - Beruk Malaysia Pertama di Angkasa

WARNING: Profanity, what else? *coughs* Old news, yes...but baru ada masa




Allright, cut the rat's balls. Angkasawan literally translated ; Astronaut.

Let me get this straight, these bunch of monkeys arent fuckin astronauts,they're space participants. They just participate, like i did in Sukan Tahunan when i was 10, had to run with an egg on the spoon for a couple of metres with no apparent reason. So yes, i participated, so are these idiots, they are participating in the space program. You cant fuckin be the camel when youre riding on it, camel is camel, youre just participating on the camel ride.
Whatever..

Its fine for a Malaysia to be in space, but whats the fuss about? Whats the hoo haa? They paid the Russians some 100 million ringgit, and a couple of cheese blocks, and wow! these idiots are in the rocket. Not enough of boasting the program stupidly, these monkeys are actually gonna play batu seremban, paint batik on hairy russian's ass, eat fuckin dodol, and play gasing on the fellow russians bald head. Similar stupidity such as this can be found practiced in the 13th & 17th level of hell as well. We Malaysians have a fetish for potraying the country and the people as imbecils.

Whats next on the list? Send Orang Utans to the space? Angkasawan Beruk Pertama? place some belacans on a submarine and kill the rest of the crew in 3 seconds flat? Make Ramly burgers under eiffel tower?

USE THE FUCKIN MONEY FOR  SOMETHING ELSE, like close all the potholes in all the states. Its the peoples money, they dont send taxes to send these morons to space and do some totally irrelevent acts. Im sure by now the Russians think we are just some people living on trees getting all excited to take a ride onto te space.

Afterall i think they are just innocent duo who wants to experience the space. Thats not a bad thing.

I hope they get lost in the black hole.

On another issue, Proton is coming up with Muslim cars, owh, a great effort, prolly should concentrate on coming up with 'cars' first. Right now we have toys.
These cars gonna have a compartment for Al Quran and also a compass pointing kiblat. I wont comment anything here, you know what im trying to say, im sure.

I hope next they have a Hindu car too, a compartment for coconuts, and a medium sized slide in compartment for parang, to slaughter you know who.

Good day Malaysians.

Hindraf Gathering - Jln Ampang, 25th November 2007

The revolution begins today..

"Paandiya mannavan solan panivarai

Painthu kalaikkiya sera magan

Eendru mudidtha kulatthil elunthanan

Yeda tamizha, eduda padai

Koonde kilinilai ethanai naal varai?

Kupidu kupidu veerargalai

Aande paramparai, meendum oru murai

Aala ninaippathil enna kurai?"