Malaysian Police.

WARNING : Profanity.

Ini Polis o.O

After a short period of time of disappearance, here i am blogging on something decent but totally irrelevant to your life, or even to your mum's. But just read up will you?

This happened awhile back, prolly around a year ago, when i was still working in previous place, (an Ad agency in Subang Jaya). A perfect scenario that reflects our Bolehland's kindness and government related corruption at the same time. But i'm not complaining. Let it be this way, bwahahaha.

I remember it's a Tuesday morning, was driving to work as usual, and there's a cross junction at the end of USJ 8, which will take you to the industrial are behind Summit, i'll save you the details. At the junction, no one really respects the traffic light, the one that turning left in particular, because you stop for no reason, the only reason would be coz the light is red. Normally, you have to look out for hantus (traffic police), who will be standing behind the tree and spying on your asses. ( He thinks he looks really cute standing behind the trees). And so on that day the light was green, magically, and i took the left turn, but i was on the phone with my dad, something important i think. Woosh! i saw this pigfuck who gazed at me for a sec and spontaneously reporting on his walkie talkie, and i knew there's a road block further up on the road. As soon as i turned, one particular pakcik polis stopped me and ordered me to park at the side.

FUCK...and so i thought. But it wasnt as bad. Will tell you why.

So i rolled down the window and the conversation went something like this.

Polis fella : Selamat pagi encik.

Me : Selamat pagi.

Polis fella : Tadi encik cakap handphone yeh? (i wanted to say," tak lah, tengah memancing udang.")

Me : Ye.

Polis fella : Macam mana sekarang, ini kesalahan akhlak ( i was thinking, kesalahan akhlak kepala butoh, coz i know what these people always expect)

Me: Settle la bang.

Polis fella : Hmpfhh, settle? Berapa awak boleh kasi

Me : Saya bagi kasut saya boleh? Dua puluh ringgit. Itu jer saya ada.

Polis fella : Hmpfhh, dua puluh? 50 puluh la dik (fucker started calling me adik after looking at my IC) Ini kesalahan serius ni. (What an asshole.)

Following are all the lies i told him.

I have only 20 bucks. - I had more in the wallet, but i have this hobbit habit of keeping some notes on my shirt pocket.

Im studying and working here as a part timer - again, i graduated in 2003, never went to college again.

Salary is not out yet - It was out 4 days ago.

Then he continued.

Polis fella : Kalau awak bagi saya dua puluh ringgit, macam mana awak nak isi petrol? Lunch macam mana?

Me: Petrol ada lagi bang, makan saya kena balik kot, kalau tak kena suruh member belanja la.

Polis fella : Hmm, rumah kat mana ni?

Me : Shah Alam bang.

To which he idiotically replied,

Polis fella : Fuhhh, jauh tu. ( i was thinking, "tahu takpe")

He asked me again.

Polis fella : Kalau awak kasi duit ni semua, cam mana awak nak makan?, ( i was like what the fuck, he was so concerned about my meal, prolly because of my size)

Me : Tu takde hal la bang, kalau tak leh buat apa, toksah makan la.

Polis fella : Hmm, taruk duit tu bawah IC, lepas to pass kat saya.

And so i did. Guess what happened next?

He gave me back the 10 out of 20 bucks and smiled. He said.

Good Polis fella : Ni awak simpan duit makan, awak tolong saya, saya tolong awak.

Me : o.O Tima kasih bang.

Seriously i did not know what to say or think of this scenario, i just bribed him, because he did hint he was insisting on the bribe, and i didnt want a ticket obvoiusly, which is already a big morality issue, then he did me a favour my returning half the bribe amount simply because he didnt want me to starve.

Corrupted but considerate? Its a good or bad thing to do? I dont know, you tell me. But im glad i got away without a ticket. 300 bucks, i'd be paying through my ass.

Told my dad and he said, the policeman is a good guy, its your fault to talk on the phone while driving(dad was the one who called me anyway hehe), bribing is a normal thing in Bolehland, but he was still considerate enough to return the money so you wont starve.

Maybe my dad is right.

Lesson learnt?
Nah, fuck you morons. Good day.


Out!