God is Dead

WARNING: Atheism, not to offend anyone though, read it as a humor article, if you still find it offensive, go look up 'Mongolian throat singing" in Google. Sigh


God is Dead.
by deviantkupo.

God's robes flapped around him as he looked over the edge and onto the street below.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" cried the security guard behind him.

God said nothing, climbing onto the raised edge of the building. Five storeys below, people were beginning to take notice.

"Jesus Christ! Look!
"Oh my god!"
"Where's my camera?"

He turned and faced the security guard, who stopped walking and gazed upon the face of God. He'd been crying.

"But... why? You've got so much to live for..."

God gave a wan smile. "So have all of you."

He spread his arms wide, closed his eyes and breathed a deep sigh, falling back and off the building.

* * *

A crowd was gathering around the black, sticky mess that remained of What-Once-Was Our Lord.

“Is he dead?”
“Who is it?”
“Where's my camera?”

The bystander effect was operating at maximum efficiency, causing everyone to just stand there and looked at the mangled remains. Presently, however, a fine upstanding citizen in the form of a drunk medical student staggered onto the scene.

“Ourra th'way... I'm a doctor y'know...” he mumbled, pushing through the crowd. Upon seeing God, most of his insides now more accurately described as his outsides, made him choke back a sob. Even atheists can recognise God.

He gingerly took a few steps forward, beyond the threshold of the crowd. Being as the inner circle was defined by the pool of blood, his going was not easy. He slipped on something and landed face down. The crowd gasped.

He pushed himself up with his arms. “Shokay. I'm okay, folks,” he declared. “He's okay, everybody.”

With that, he placed a hand on God's neck and felt for a pulse. The crowd leaned in as he waited. One should never underestimate the stupidity of crowds.

“My... my god...” said the medical student, standing up, “he's dead!”

“My god!”
“This is terrible!”
“Where's my camera?”
A voice from the back said, “I don't believe you!”

Others in the crowd took up the idea that the medical student was wrong.

“Yeah, what do you know?”
“Who asked you?”
The medical student raised his hands. “Please, everyone, I'm a doctor.”

His equally drunk friend had managed to navigate his way through the door and outside.

“'E's norra doctor! 'E's a student!”

“A student?” the crowd gasped. “What do students know?”

While the two drunk students exchanged insults about whose mother had slept with who, a small man pressed through the crowd. He saw the body (and a lot more besides) and turned to someone next to him.

“Who is it?” he asked. “He looks familiar.”

“It's... it's God.”

“What? Preposterous!” He then suddenly stepped into the circle and removed his coat, throwing it with a flourish into the crowd. It revealed an even smaller man with a traditional priestly dog collar. He subtly brushed a few crumbs from his front and then addressed the crowd.

“As a man of the cloth, I am educated in these matters and I can say that, if this is God, there will be some sign to mark his passing.”

The security guard on the roof wailed as the full implications of what had happened came to him. He threw his head back and wailed, a mixture of anger, sadness, regret and a developing chest infection.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooo onnnooooooooooooooooo,” he wailed.

On the street below, the entire crowd looked up. The guard had fallen over and was lying on the roof, so they saw nothing. After the noise had stopped, they looked at the priest.

A little taken aback, he said, “Oh dear.”

The crowd stood in a respectful silence, all looking at the remains of God scattered across the pavement. There was a quiet banging noise and a second storey window slid open.

“Ha!” a man cried, leaning out. “Ha ha ha!”

The man was “Mad Legs” Morris. He was called “Mad Legs” because he had no legs, so the logic presumably resided in the fact his legs were off somewhere doing something mad. He was leaning out of the window, cackling.

“So, your God is dead! Christianity is over! What's the new state religion gonna be, eh?!” he cried. He was waving a small stick.

The crowd grumbled into life.

“Oh, er, I dunno, hmm.”
“Well, I hadn't thought about that.”
“I'd need to ask her indoors.”
“Some bastard's stolen my camera!”

“Ha!” Mad Legs cackled some more, “I'll tell you what you need! Islam!”

The crowd seemed to like this idea.

“Hmm, sounds good to me.”
“It's well established, should be good.”
“Change is good as a rest!”
“I've got plenty of towels at home.”
“That bastard! He's got it! Look! Hey, you!”

Cars were stopping on the road and the crowd was expanding. Those at the back were asking what was going. By now, people who hadn't even seen the body believed God was dead. A police siren was heard in the distance.

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa!” shouted a man, running up to the crowd. He was carrying a ladder, which leant against the wall and quickly climbed.

“There are far better religions!” he proclaimed, “Such as Hinduism!”

The crowd was less receptive to this idea.

“I dunno, I quite like beef.”
“Seems a bit dodgy to me.”
“Hmm,” pondered the medical student, “which religion offers the most free beer?”

The Hindu on the ladder gaped in disbelief. “Er... religion isn't about beer, it's about...”
“A free drink every holiday!” cried Mad Legs.

The crowd went wild.

“Wh-what?!” cried the Hindu, “Since when was that an Islamic tradition?!”
“Since now, loser!” laughed Mad Legs.

“A free drink every Saturday!” came a voice. There was a man dressed in orange robes, out of breath. He leaned against the lamppost and, when people started looking at him, leapt onto a raised flower bed.

“That's right! A free drink every Saturday! Join Theravada Buddhism today! Good karma and great times!”

A few people started clapping. The Hindu slowly started climbing down the ladder.

“Two drinks every Saturday!” countered Mad Legs.
“Free drinks all night!”
“Free drinks and a blow job!”

The crowd turned to Mad Legs.

“What about the women?”
Mad Legs pondered this for a moment. “Male escorts!”
The crowd cheered and started clapping, drowning out the Buddhists offer of all you can drink any day and personal sex slaves.

The Hindu started walking away, carrying his ladder. He sighed, turned the corner and walked past a Shintoist who was beating a Zen Buddhist with a bacon sandwich. The irony was not lost on him.

He dropped his ladder and headed into a bar. It was all but empty, most people had run outside when they sensed God had just died. One man, however, was sat at the bar. The Hindu sat next to him.

“Rough day?” said the man, sliding a beer to the Hindu.
“Yeah,” he said, looking across at him. “You Christian?”
The man laughed bitterly. “Sort of.”
“Well, not any more.”
They both took a deep drink, the man leaning over the bar to fill up his drink.

They sat in silence for a while, watching ice cubes melt.

“Must be tough, having your God die.”
“Not as bad as having your dad die,” said Jesus, making a grab for some peanuts.
“Oh... I'm sorry.”
“Nah, it's okay. He did what he had to do. This was meant to be freedom, y'know? Religion was messing things up. But... look at it.”

Jesus pointed out of the window. The Hindu looked, seeing people running past. Someone was pushing a wheelbarrow with a Shinto shrine rattling inside. Bottles of vodka were leant against it.

A police car screamed past, followed by a TV van.

“No ambulances,” said Jesus, “funny that.”
“What's going to happen?”
“Probably a few wars, both holy and TV ratings wise. After that, depends who wins.”
The Hindu took a sip. “God meant for this to happen?”
Jesus laughed. “Nah. I told him it would happen, but he wouldn't listen. He trusts too much in his creation. He believed they'd do the right thing.”
“The right thing?"
"Yeah. With no religion, there'd be no war, right? That was the theory, anyway."
The Hindu frowned. "Didn't work, did it?"
"Like I said, too much faith in his creation. Now me," said Jesus, pointing his thumb as his chest, "I know what humanity's all about."

Outside, someone started screaming, “I AM JESUS. I AM THE MESSIAH!”

In the bar, the real Jesus took a swig from a bottle of vodka, poured the rest into his glass and smashed the bottle against the bar.

“Right,” he said, “guess I've gotta go. Try to be nice.”
“To everyone?” said the Hindu.
“Nothing applies everywhere,” said Jesus, with a wry smile. He turned and began walking out of the bar.

"No teachings are absolute!" he cried, waving his crude weapon, "Wisdom lies in drawing the line!"

And with that, he disappeared into the crowd to murder the fake Jesus.

“Been nice talking to you!” shouted the Hindu after him. “Good luck!”

In what counted as the afterlife, Vishnu nudged God.

“Fucked up, didn't you?”
God buried his head in his hands. “Shit.”

Two wandering spirits walked by them, one passing a small amount of money to the other.
“Told you,” said Nietzsche.

Source

The unexplained bits in Tamil movies.

WARNING: Very disturbing, unless you think like me. Dont be a sensetive tamil poet and bitch. Profanity as always.

Hello world. Vanakkam, im a chimp pimp

Allrite, I'm proud to be an Indian. Period. But as we all fucking know that most Tamil movies annoys the crap out of everybody. New born babies would die of shock looking at the shithole face showed above on a 29 inch TV. Its freakin suicidal. To start with, most movies and the plot doesnt make any fucking sense. They dont make movies about war, airplane crash or even midgets and their miserable lives. Subject is always LOVE. That's already a big turn off for most people, i mean, how much love oriented plots can you take?

So for now, we shall look at the terms they use in their scripts.
Fuck the spelling, its the heavy accent. They speak like they constantly being fed with bananas.

1. Owh mai gawd, yits yeh medical mirakkell. (literally translates to : Oh my God, its a medical miracle)
Everything is magic. Beat that Hollywood. You'll have this dude stabbed 42 times and soaked in sewage water for 72 hours, and yet he survives. How you ask? They simply slap you with the dialogue above. Once, twice is allrite, out of 10 movies, you'll hear this in about almost half of it. Inexplicably stupid? You tell me.

2. Bai the bai (literally translates to : by the way)
How the fuck? I dont fuckin no, serious shit. Thats how they say it. In ALL movies.

3. yevery daag has yits dei (literally translates to :every dog has its day)
Imagine saying that to someone from Malaysia. I bet that dude gonna bash your face like a pork pie.

4.Char-less (literally translates to : charles)
Like we all say it..charles, they say it as char-less. There's no explanation for this, even under laboratory conditions.

5. Curses : Raskol, yidiot, you you you, you blardee, shit!, tell me you motherfugger (literally translates to : rascal, idiot, you you you, you bloody, shit! tell me you motherfucker)

The first 5, you can hear the women saying in ALL movies. The last one surprisingly appeared in Kuruthi Punal, Kamal Haasan's movie in the mid 90's. Serious shit. I wonder whats with the you you you. They do it all the time when the heroin is irritated with the hero, but he'll be the guy who marries her eventually. Bingo!

Thats all i can think of now. If you have more, post it undergarments under the comments. Or just sit and bitch about this whole post.

Good day raskols. :)

Genetic Engineering

WARNING : Gross.

Look at this shit, this fuckhole looks uglier than most illegal immigrants.

Hello world. Sorry for not blogging for quite a bit (as if you guys even bother,ergh), i wasnt really tied up with projects or sumthing, just been pure lazy, had this sudden obsession of watching fucking plants and potatoes grow. Nevermind that, so yea im back with more nonsense for the bored soul.

I visited a site (link), apparently the sell Bioengineered products, a pet that looks like half retarded, tailess, furless possum. Its fucking freaky at first, but i didnt quite believe it, but looking at the detailed content of the website, which also appeare to be professional, my poor mind was actually starting to believe it, its very convincing, trust me. After i Googled about it, it appeared to be an Art Project. So its hoax from the science perspective of it, but its pure genius as for concept as an artist. Read this once youre done reading the first link. According to the artist, it was just a mega project to see how would people react towards genetic engineering, as for me, i got brainfucked for a bit because

1. The creature is so freaky, i dont see a reason to call it a pet, the moment you see it moving, i swear i wanna whack the shit outta that little fucker fella.
2. It looks like a toyol.
3. Its just fugly, like bluek.
4. It's against God's will (well not quite for me) on a general perception.
5. It's a Rowan Atkinson fetishist

So this shit got me thinking, if we have full control over genetic engineering, we can make cool shit stuff out of the technology, correct me if im wrong, im no biology savvy. If only we could mix and match animals in the future, it'll be fun, like fuckin fun. You log on to a site, get your arse registered and start making little freaky buggers by mix matching various species of animals. Give it a week for them to engineer it, get it collected and voila! A new species named after your grandmother or call it 'my little freaky potatofuckface' for that matter.

Lets see what we can make out of this 'dream on' technology.


Dugk
Ingredients :
1/4 dog
3/4 duck

Characteristics/Physical appearance : Looks like a duck, just like a normal duck in your chinese granpa's house, but it barks and bites juicy robber's arses. Ideal for guarding and fooling crooks.



Fishcat
Ingredients :
1/4 fish
3/4 cat

Characteristics/Physical appearance : Normal cat with fish tail, damn this gonna be fun watching it trying to eat its own tail thinking its a fish, retarded as fuck. Now thats one BIG indentity crisis. This is pure fun, ideal for weed smoking monkeys to laugh at.



Indonapes

1/2 Homosapien (human; an Indonesian male)
1/2 Pongo pygmaeus (orangutan)

Characteristics/Physical appearance: Thats not gonna make much difference, does it? Next!


Manparrot

1/2 Parrot (for colors)
1/2 Homosapien

Characteristics/Physical appearance: And again i dont think this is really necessary, we have Chinese ah bengs with hair colored like fuckin parrots, love to shoot one of those rare species.



Thats all i could think of now, drop a comment on your ideal engineered creatures.


Out!

Oooops!

A yeti.

Site on hiatus till further notice. Cheers



Out!

Idiots and their idealogies.

WARNING: Direct discrimination, and I dont care.


Yeap, i wanted to blog about this for a long time, but then i was thinking what if it provokes individuals to whack the daylight out ot me, on second thought, i dont really care about these idiots. So, let us take a closer step (not too close, you might get influenced) into a few group of people and their idealogies which i think is really pathetic, its just a personal perception, if you're one of them and youre offended, just close the window and go bake a cake instead, because life is always unfair. :)


Indians - the typical machans
Lets see what these buggers are like :-

• Heroism is the ultimate satisfaction, so they're into gang fights, extortion and some small ass pathetic crimes like stealing beer crates and assaulting Indons (the last one good.
• None of them passed form 5
• Ex-5 motorcycle is the best ride
• Dressed most of the time in marroon shirt and some irrelevant baggy pants which has trims of red,green,yellow colors on it. Yes, they have got nothing to do with the Marley generation, nor the Rastafarian culture.
• Head tilted about 30 degrees up when they walk, always holding a helmet, which again has a sticker of those above mentioned colors.
• Always move in a group, hard to recognize a particular individual sometimes, buggers look all the same.
• Talks in tamil + malay, often uses the word 'bang' (abang) in the end of every sentence. Even God wouldnt know why.
  
• Womanisers, drundkards, gamblers, criminals, but RELIGIOUS. I dont see the point, really. They wear vibuthi, and kum kum on the forehead at all times. It signifies, Im ganas, but i'm always afraid of God, or God is with me, or I pray alot ladies, or sometimes, I'm just plain stupid. They infest the temples sometimes, with made up innocent faces.
  
• Oh yeah, how can i forget, the moustache. "Meesai vetchathaa ambeleh" which literally translates to "You're a male only when you have moustache" What the fuck, yeap.
• They disturb girls on the road, in a very irritating manner, like whistling. Its tamil movies. Sigh
• Few artsist that they know, Dr Alban, Michael Jackson, and Bob Marley.
• Cars, modified in a very disturbing way, like its full of lights and a sticker that end with "Guyz" on the windscreen, eg. "Natpukaga Guys" (Friendship Guys) >.< Eyesore most of the time.
  
• They think Dr Cardin is a foreign brand.
• The emphasize on frienship so much, but backstabs most of the time. Bravo!

Enough of my people, lets move to the others

Ah Bengs (chinese machans)

• Their dressing is out of the world. Period
• They all have blonde hair.
• They wear pink.
• There's this absolute fetish over cute things, like little dolls, japanese anime dolls, freaking kittens,teddy bears
• They love to popularize dumb songs like Crazy Frog, what the fuck is up with that?
• They drive cars that look stupid, like Honda City, and there'll be stickers everywhere.
  
• They never shut up, regardless the place, situation and so on. They talk ALL the time.
• They think Hello Kitty is absolutely adorable, that pathetic kitten. Argh

Ok enough of them.


Malays (malay machans)
Allrite, i dont wanna hit ISA (Internal Security Act, not the prophet). Good Day.
Freedom of speech, democracy, LOL, my arse.

How ironic.

Out!

Bazement.net

Pass this word around, a favor for a friend of mine Kugan aka Funktionz.

" Just want to inform you that www.the-bazement.com is now known as www.bazement.net "


*Bazement.net, formerly known as the-Bazement.com was launched five years ago and till' today remains the largest news portal of the Malaysian hip hop scene providing you with updates and information on the hip hop community in Malaysia.


Out!

Bye Shoutbox.

I've been monitoring the bloody shoutbox for quite sometime now, apparently some idiot/idiots just love to flood it with irrelevant phrases such as using my nick and posting stupid stuff, also using nicknames like oneweek, days in tamil, plus other months like November and September, which obviously annoyed me alot. So, there, i have decided to remove it for good since its being misused to potray your stupidity. A little humor and insults is fine, not complete hanging phrases with no identity slapped onto it.
Rule is simple, if you've got nothing to say, just shut the fuck up.

For the rest who has got nothing to do with the shoutbox, happy reading! New posts soon, real soon. :)

BLOGGERS BEWARE

WARNING : Central Stupidity.

PM: Those who spread untruths on the Net will be detained

KUALA TERENGGANU: The Prime Minister has issued a warning – those who spread untruths and slander on the Internet will face the law.

If information in blogs, websites and online portals were incorrect, bordered on slander, caused disturbance or compelled the public to lose faith in the nation’s economic policies, their authors would be detained for investigation, said Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi.

“We cannot allow such matters to flow through uncontrolled,” he told newsmen after attending a briefing on the proposed Islamic Civilisation Park in [...]

So what's next? Filters on surfing?

Freedom of speech, Democracy. Right.

Also, read this. Pathetic, really.

Out!

Source
Image

Malaysian Police.

WARNING : Profanity.

Ini Polis o.O

After a short period of time of disappearance, here i am blogging on something decent but totally irrelevant to your life, or even to your mum's. But just read up will you?

This happened awhile back, prolly around a year ago, when i was still working in previous place, (an Ad agency in Subang Jaya). A perfect scenario that reflects our Bolehland's kindness and government related corruption at the same time. But i'm not complaining. Let it be this way, bwahahaha.

I remember it's a Tuesday morning, was driving to work as usual, and there's a cross junction at the end of USJ 8, which will take you to the industrial are behind Summit, i'll save you the details. At the junction, no one really respects the traffic light, the one that turning left in particular, because you stop for no reason, the only reason would be coz the light is red. Normally, you have to look out for hantus (traffic police), who will be standing behind the tree and spying on your asses. ( He thinks he looks really cute standing behind the trees). And so on that day the light was green, magically, and i took the left turn, but i was on the phone with my dad, something important i think. Woosh! i saw this pigfuck who gazed at me for a sec and spontaneously reporting on his walkie talkie, and i knew there's a road block further up on the road. As soon as i turned, one particular pakcik polis stopped me and ordered me to park at the side.

FUCK...and so i thought. But it wasnt as bad. Will tell you why.

So i rolled down the window and the conversation went something like this.

Polis fella : Selamat pagi encik.

Me : Selamat pagi.

Polis fella : Tadi encik cakap handphone yeh? (i wanted to say," tak lah, tengah memancing udang.")

Me : Ye.

Polis fella : Macam mana sekarang, ini kesalahan akhlak ( i was thinking, kesalahan akhlak kepala butoh, coz i know what these people always expect)

Me: Settle la bang.

Polis fella : Hmpfhh, settle? Berapa awak boleh kasi

Me : Saya bagi kasut saya boleh? Dua puluh ringgit. Itu jer saya ada.

Polis fella : Hmpfhh, dua puluh? 50 puluh la dik (fucker started calling me adik after looking at my IC) Ini kesalahan serius ni. (What an asshole.)

Following are all the lies i told him.

I have only 20 bucks. - I had more in the wallet, but i have this hobbit habit of keeping some notes on my shirt pocket.

Im studying and working here as a part timer - again, i graduated in 2003, never went to college again.

Salary is not out yet - It was out 4 days ago.

Then he continued.

Polis fella : Kalau awak bagi saya dua puluh ringgit, macam mana awak nak isi petrol? Lunch macam mana?

Me: Petrol ada lagi bang, makan saya kena balik kot, kalau tak kena suruh member belanja la.

Polis fella : Hmm, rumah kat mana ni?

Me : Shah Alam bang.

To which he idiotically replied,

Polis fella : Fuhhh, jauh tu. ( i was thinking, "tahu takpe")

He asked me again.

Polis fella : Kalau awak kasi duit ni semua, cam mana awak nak makan?, ( i was like what the fuck, he was so concerned about my meal, prolly because of my size)

Me : Tu takde hal la bang, kalau tak leh buat apa, toksah makan la.

Polis fella : Hmm, taruk duit tu bawah IC, lepas to pass kat saya.

And so i did. Guess what happened next?

He gave me back the 10 out of 20 bucks and smiled. He said.

Good Polis fella : Ni awak simpan duit makan, awak tolong saya, saya tolong awak.

Me : o.O Tima kasih bang.

Seriously i did not know what to say or think of this scenario, i just bribed him, because he did hint he was insisting on the bribe, and i didnt want a ticket obvoiusly, which is already a big morality issue, then he did me a favour my returning half the bribe amount simply because he didnt want me to starve.

Corrupted but considerate? Its a good or bad thing to do? I dont know, you tell me. But im glad i got away without a ticket. 300 bucks, i'd be paying through my ass.

Told my dad and he said, the policeman is a good guy, its your fault to talk on the phone while driving(dad was the one who called me anyway hehe), bribing is a normal thing in Bolehland, but he was still considerate enough to return the money so you wont starve.

Maybe my dad is right.

Lesson learnt?
Nah, fuck you morons. Good day.


Out!

Religions of the World.

WARNING : Nonsense.


Been awhile since i posted anything sane or decent, I guess i dont quite have the time just yet, will post more stuff when i have the time, till then lets see what the religions of the world has to say about shit. Read it somewhere.



TAOISM - Shit Happens.

HARE KRISHNA - Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.

HINDUSIM - This Shit Happened Before.

ISLAM - If Shit Happens, Take a Hostage.

ZEN - What is the sound of Shit happening?

BUDDHISM - When Shit happens, is it really Shit?

CONFUCIANISM - Confucias Say, "Shit Happens".

7th DAY ADVENTIST - Shit Happens on Saturdays

PROTESTANTISM - Shit wont happen if i work harder.

CATHOLICISM - If Shit happens, I deserve it.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS - Knock Knock, "Shit Happens"

UNITARIAN - What is this Shit.

MORMON - Shit happend again & again & again...

JUDAISM - Why does this shit always happen to me?

RASTAFARIANISM - Lets smoke this Shit.

ATHEISM - I f you want me to believe in Shit, you must make me touch it.



out!

Quiescence

I did this on Friday.

Hmm.

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

Compimentary pic : Rapper, 50 'stupid fuck' cent.

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Man, i couldnt stop laughing at the second one. Out!

Source

Mac or PC

WARNING: OMG! It's teh geek! q(^o^)p . Euww.

The debate that never ends. There's no right answer for this, because every computer user has different needs and preferences. A Mac may be the perfect choice for one person, but absolutely wrong for another. But yet i decided to bitch on. No matter how convincing someone can sound praising either platforms, Apple geeks stays with Apple, likewise for PC.


Constipated pie faced maggot Gates made his money. He dominated the industry, everything runs on Windows, almost, whereby Adam's Apple Computers has come a long way inventing expensive brainfucking items like keropok I-Pod. I had the mp3 device once, from my previous boss, he let me use it simply because he doesnt know how to operate an I- Pod, what the fuck, really, i know. But yeah, seriously these players, theres a term, yeah compitable audio player are useless, its like Woaarrhhh the first few hours, then it rests in your drawer beside your underwears. This shit it irritating. Now..i have gone a little off topic eh? Fine, blog is mine. Bwahaha. Thats lame. Sorry Einsteins.

Its really subjective when it comes to choosing an appropriate platform, issues that you really should consider is what do you want to use you machine for, it serves a purpose definitely, but you gotta start identifying those, lets see what fits where

Games - Windows, die you disgusting gamers.

Design - Mac, but then again, depends on what kinda design, Web design with Mac is a no no. Ever wonder why designers always use Apple Computers? Here we go :-

1. theyre not paying for it, mac is as expensive as a pregnant gorilla.
2. the color clarity and accuracy, check Apple monitors, aww so sharp it pokes.
3. output is much easier with Mac, Windows delays the process
4. they think its cool to use a Mac, cos its white and clean and sleek and yada yada yada...

Midget Porn - Perverts, welcome to Windows. Compatibility is not an issue.

Music making - Mac, again for output. Its just better at it.

Admin Clerk work - Dont expect a Mac, you cant figure what key belongs to which function. Dumb PC would do the job, Bwahaha. Damn.

User Friendly - Windows, and Mac isnt actually hard to use, people just get confused coz theyre so used to Windows interface and funtions, by principal, i would say Mac is as equally easy as Windows, despite a few difference here and there.

Surfing only - why bother getting a PC, you fucks. Walk to the nearest cyber cafe. I know a guy, well more like a retard, only thing he does online is surf Friendster and looks at pictures, also checking his hotmail, for friendster message notification that is. He doesnt know what Google is. What a moron.

It all comes back to one question always, "what are you gonna do with your machine?" But some rich ignorant fools like buying Macs simply because its different and cool, but these idiots end up not knowing how to fully utilize it, stupidity? yeah.

Personally i would prefer using a Mac @ work and a PC at home, right now im a Web Designer so i dont use the Macintosh platform, my previous 2 jobs, Macs are absolutely stunning when it comes to funtionality, look & feel, also the speed (depending on you processor), lets see whats the pros and cons like: -


Pros.

Initial (purchase or licensing) cost:

A fully equipped Macintosh computer is no more expensive than a similarly equipped Windows computer. The days are gone where Apple is more expensive than Intel-compatible systems. In Malaysia, its more like who gives a fuck.

Open Source advantage:

Because Mac OS X is based on Open Source foundations, the global open source community is quick to add to the resources, so bugs are fixed quickly, vulnerabilities are addressed quickly, and the user base that has access to the code to make corrections is larger than Apple alone.

System Stability:

Crashes and lock-ups are much less frequent with Mac OS X than with Windows. (Laj, this is for you.)

Virus activity:

It rocks right at this point. Read on.

By design, Mac systems are nearly invulnerable to viruses and spyware.
"There are about 60,000 viruses known for Windows, 40 or so for the Macintosh, about 5 for commercial Unix versions, and perhaps 40 for Linux. Most of the Windows viruses are not important, but many hundreds have caused widespread damage. Two or three of the Macintosh viruses were widespread enough to be of importance. None of the Unix or Linux viruses became widespread - most were confined to the laboratory."

Cons.

There is more commercially-written software available for Windows than Mac OS, but this gap is shrinking, but yeah what the fuck, it rocks.

You to all you noobs that havent seen a Mac Interface before...here's a few screenshots for your idiotic viewing pleasure. Zhank yew.

OS X Tiger interface

Widget, see how the snow animates? Cool eh?

Dashboard widgets

Steve Wozniak & Steve Jobs, the inventors of personal computers
Jobs now the CEO of Apple Computers Inc.

I blogged this post from Windows 2000 NT, and it sucks egg.

Out!

LRT

WARNING : Racism, profanity, yeah the regular shit.


This is the 4th week im travelling to work, back and forth using the famous Putra LRT (dont ask why), its fast, its cheap, efficient, all yes, but the people are fuckin annoying, sometime you just feel like bitch slapping the very next retard that annoys your day, its annoying, everyday fuckin day. I'll tell you why.

• It's always full, ALWAYS regardless the time, 8am, 2pm, 10am, name it, its packed like sardine cans. BK and me take the LRT from Asiajaya about 8:20 every morning, sometimes we need to let pass a couple of trains before we could get into one, which will also be full.
• Illegal immigrant motherfuckers stare at you as if youre an immigrant, pig smelling banglas and retarded indons precisely. They just stare as if theres a penguin sex show on my face, we gotta burn all of these fuckholes using flamethrowers.
• The moment an Indian (Indians from India, South India) enters the coach, it starts smelling like a barber shop, its like a curse, all these motherfuckers use the same freaking perfume or whatever shit that is, God knows. And it reminds me so much of barber shops, something that i dont fuckin need in the saddam sardine packed morning LRT.
• Some of these buggers actually read in the LRT, yeah thats fine, not in a packed LRT, they dont hold on the bars when the trains moving, they indulge so much into the book, and all the books ive seen are boring, some dude was reading a book on Jews, seems really important. I dont understand, im just waiting for a fine day where a reader would grab my shirt or hand since he's not holding the bar but a book instead when the LRT sudden brakes, swear to God im gonna slap his head. Will reconsider my action if its a babe. :)
• People get in even before the ones inside get down, and most of the time, old buggers do this kinda shit, men, women, all..50-60 years old, sad but they're quite brainless.
• Noisy immigrants, no comments.
• Lots of babes, all PMS faced though. They'll probably bite if you smile. Rawr!
• There are no drivers, its cool and all, we all know this fact, its computerized and hopefully it doesnt go wrong anytime soon. And i really pray they're not running on Windows.
• They should have music in LRT, ease everyones pain, all we hear is, some bitch shouting the name of the station every now and then, its necessary, yes but they can have some songs from Mawi in between and just send everyone to their graves.
  
• KTM commuter is so silent inside when it runs, LRT is freaking noisy, noisier than your average housewife, which is quite suprising.

Having said all that, theres room for improvement in the service, i dont really give a shit, but i really pity people who travel by LRTs everyday for the past few years.

First things first, dont allow illegal immigrants, get their passport checked, bunch of morons are really annoying.

Here's a pic from some dudes blog.

Masukk masukkkkkkk...

Out.

Sarvam Shivamayam.

A close friend's father passed away peacefully earlier today (Wednesday, June 21, 2006).
Let us pray for her father's soul to rest in peace.

Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra

Om trayambakam yajaamahe sugandhim pushtivardhanam
Urvaarukamiva bandhanaan mrityor muksheeya maamritaat.

O Supreme light, lead us from untruth to truth, from darkness to light and from death to immortality.

Sarvam Shivamayam.

May his soul reast in peace.

Tuesday morning in MSN

WARNING : Random discrimination.


Salini says:
Subject: hai
Message: hai saraku hru>
savadi sarakul;ah nee

Salini says:
wtf.

dзсємвея. says:
its all good

Salini says:
fuck la. he looks like a rubbertapper's half-retarded son

.dзсємвея. says:
OMG

.dзсємвея. says:
dudes occupation is graphic designer

.dзсємвея. says:
wat a fuckhole

.dзсємвея. says:
i feel half retarded now

Salini says:
he needs to design himself a face. geez.

.dзсємвея. says:
im posting all these

Salini says:
lol

Google

WARNING : Profanity, a little.


Ladies and gentlemen, Google is now officially a word in the dictionary. Yeah, i can hear you, what the fuck right? It's clear that they are trying to dominate the ultimate, porno infested Internet, these motherfuckers are everywhere, literally.

Look at this.

Source

These buggers are so rich, and they are releasing softwares despite the importance of the usage like every other month. Here's a list of few, you can check the softwares as well as download it here.

Google Earth - 3D Earth browser
Google Desktop - Desktop companion
Picasa - Photo organizer
Google Toolbar for Internet Explorer - Search toolbar
Google Pack Screensaver - Photo screensaver
G-Unit - Black gangsta motherfuckers

And now there's also Google Sketch just to sketch some random 3d interior crap, im not sure what is it for though.

Heard about the Gdrive yet? Apparently its a hardisk over the server where u can dump everything you want or you dont want in there, so technically you can have the whole shitload of stuff that you have in you machine in the server too. And i heard its free. It sounds cool yes, but they'll be watching all your activities. So think.

Google is too powerful, sometimes you can even hack into sites using only Google, yes i have tried it before and yes, it works. Click here to read more. Another shit that really annoys me is Google AdSense, i took off my page simply because its irritating, and i dont wanna earn a few bucks through confused, non-internet savvy, drooling over monitor motherfuckers. Pity them. They just click on everything. Nevermind if you have a few ad links on your page, there's one page, which i couldnt remember, this idiot earns through his ad's everything is clickable and every click generates money, its cool, yes, but its irritating.

I have messed with Google Earth before, that shit was cool, you can actually zoom until the roof of your house, its a little pain in the ass to look for the right are, but its all labeled and you can succeed in like 2 hours maybe, and pin it, so the next time you zoom into the earth, you wont get lost and land in some place like Batang Berjuntai and shit, and no, its not real time, all photographs, pretty impressive stuff. Try it.

They slapped MSN by Gmail, initally offering 1GB of free email webspace which freaked the breakfast out of everybody, but its really usefull and it has tons of features, better ones compared to stupid hotmale hotmail. Now they are offering more space, and MSN decided to say, "*Yawn*, Whatever pigfuckers, we have Windows". And they still maintain the 5MB of space till now.

I have a feeling that Google's gonna take over the Net very soon, everything's gonna be Google affiliated, they gonna name the Internet to The Googlenet. Think about it, nobody owns the Internet, but maybe this is possible, we can see the intruding process in progress.

May the force be with you, dumbass.


Out!

Illusion - What's it all about?

WARNING : Profanity. Yeah, thats all.

David Copperfield who's real name is David Kotkin

mag·ic
n.()

1. The art that purports to control or forecast natural events, effects, or forces by invoking the supernatural.
2. 1. The practice of using charms, spells, or rituals to attempt to produce supernatural effects or control events in nature.
   2. The charms, spells, and rituals so used.
3. The exercise of sleight of hand or conjuring for entertainment.
4. A mysterious quality of enchantment: “For me the names of those men breathed the magic of the past” (Max Beerbohm).

il·lu·sion
n.()

1. 1. An erroneous perception of reality.
   2. An erroneous concept or belief.
2. The condition of being deceived by a false perception or belief.
3. Something, such as a fantastic plan or desire, that causes an erroneous belief or perception.
4. Illusionism in art.
5. A fine transparent cloth, used for dresses or trimmings.

Source

Allright, first things first, there's certainly a difference between magic and illusion, magic sounds stupid, something that we cant really relate to reality, whereby illusion sounds decent enough, seems real.

And so i got hold of this DVD titled David Arumugam Copperfield - Illusion - 15 years of rock jiwang Magic, and i have to tell you it was amazing. There was a few tricks that really blew my mind away, like :-

• The Oriental Express Mystery - He stood, the train levitated like some 20 feet above the ground..covered with a huge huge cloth of course, then he pulled the cloth, woosh! it was gone.
  
• The Statue of Mawi Liberty Disappears - The title explains so much, right. It wasnt there for a moment, im not sure how true this was, apparently it was one of his most remarkable illusion in the 90's
• Walking through the Great Wall of China - Yeah, you guessed it genius. He walked right across it, somethings really fishy, but the what the fuck, its fun to watch
• Random Bunny - Pulls out a rabbit or other random material like a fishing rod out of random spectator's arse. Allright, just kidding.

It was amazing nevertheless, i dont really care if he really posseses some supernatural soul sold to devil power, which i strongly believe he doesnt, let it be tricks and technology, but he certainly made the difference by doing all the tricks and we just watch in amazement. All we can say is " Thats bullshit, he uses the devil" Right, the devil, what the fuck, really, there was this rumours in the 90's, where people strongly believed that he could pull all the massive magic stunts just because he sold his soul to the devil. Which idiot said this, i do not know.

Im sure there are ways of doing this illusions, afterall its an artform, erroneous perception of reality. The diversion is made so carefully, so that any of us (the idiots) wouldnt realize it. I read an article, it said anyone cal do illusions and tricks, but getting away without getting caught, thats the tough part, these mofo's have the talents, and theyre filthy rich, like the other dude, David Blaine, sheesh whats with magicians and the name David? Hmm..

So, i think its true that magicians are just a bunch of great mind manipulators, unless you beg to differ, tell me what you think. :) They are people with great talents, they have my respect.

Here's an article that proves the world has endless amouth of stupid fuckholes supply, this dude reveals the truth behind the disappearance of the Statue of Liberty, YOU HAVE TO READ THIS. This the stupidest thing i have ever read. Really.

Anyway here's a complimentary photo that i manipulated, the David & David collaboration. I can get really bored you know.

Weee!

Out!

No Alleycats members were disrespected during this post.

Brainfucked.

WARNING : *(&^# @(#^& )#@)* ^@#*&^@#) !!!! @()*#@ (=^_^=) fuck.

My car died on "double lane jammed up like bitch, motorola interchange" this morning, I got brainfucked. Enough said.




Change the car? We'll see...hmm.

Out!

Ghosts? Argh!

WARNING : Random supernatural experience. Im not bullshitting. Really.

Encik Hantu PJK, AMN, Anak Haram Gejadah.

Day : Thursday
Time : About 0500LT

And after getting tired doing nothing, i decided to get some sleep like everyone else, so i went to my sisters' room (my room is hot as hell, and there not air cond) and slept, since i was damn tired...again after doing nothing, i slept.

Say after 10 minutes or so, im not sure if any of you people experienced this, but BK experienced it a few times, and this wasnt my first time anyway. And oh yeah, after 10 minutes or so...i was in this space between being awake and deep in slumber, i felt my matress sinking, (not because im heavy you idiot) and this En.Pukimak Hantu grabbed me from top and refused to let go, it was holding me so tight, i couldnt not open my eyes, i could not scream, i struggled to release myself, it went on for a minute, then i was awake. o.O One.

I slept again, and it happened again, this time my head was pressed onto the pillow, to suffocate me for no apparent reason, i struggled for a bit there and could actually feel its arms, scary shit? yeah i suppose, then it disappeared, i was awake again o.O Two.

And again i slept, i didnt want to give up sleeping you see, motherfucker really had a problem with me and grabbed the fuck out of me again, again like scenario one, grabbed my arms and refused to let go...the only thing that came to my mind was "What the FUCK!!!, for fucks sake let me sleep you fuckfaced random hugging bitch!" Soon it ended, and i got up, totally awake, lacking of enthusiasm to sleep. o.O Three.

I went to seek help, went to my dads room and woke him up, i told him what happened, and he asked me, did you go out earlier...i said no, i was at home all night, then he just asked me to sleep in MY room, and so i did, nothing happend after that, pissed couple of times, thats all.

All i wanna know is :-

• What the fuck was that all about?
• Why the hell me? What did i ever do to these things? I dont even disturb goats.
• It all happened in the sub-concious state of mind, so someone please tell me, was i dreaming or it was really some bored ass stupid fuckfaced vietnamese ghost?
• The ironic thing about it is, i could feel the pain on my hand, where it grabbed me o.O What the fuck, really.
• And it was 5am, way past the typical ghosts itchy hours. Why?
• Why not disturb me when i doing something else, like when im taking a piss or eating Bak Kut Teh? Why only when im trying to sleep?
• Why grab? why not poke, or tickle or sing a Nepalese song.
  

Im clueless really, and im not bullshitting. It really happened, for no reason, i think that Hantu was really bored and just wanna bitch with me for a bit and scare the breakfast out of me, whatever it is, i wasnt afraid, just a little annoyed. So mr.hugging bitch, go try something else, trying baking a cake, molesting a dog/Bangla or visit the nerest 7-11. Dont bother me please. (If its really a ghost of somesort)

Someone out there gotta have an answer for my questions above, care to explain?. Please.

Out!


Fuck, i was hurt 24 hrs before posting this.

__________________________________

EDIT : My friend Sal commented right after i posted this, and i Googled for the answer. And now it makes perfect sense. Its called sleep paralysis, and i didnt know about this, click here to read on it.
Thanks dearie! :)

Only In Penang

WARNING: Random discrimination, if youre from Penang and youre retarded, dont bother reading.Well...on second thought, go ahead and read it, youre retarded anyway.

Monkey, yaay!

I was in Penang a couple of week back, for the labour day holiday, it was just a day extra, which didnt do any good. Anyway Penang, weird ass island, populated by more monkeys than human beings, humans there are like fucking monkeys anyway. I have a confession though, i was born in Penang, stayed there a couple of months when i was a baby, that was it, i was sane enough to get the fuck outta the place. Call me a hypocrite, i dont care.

If you're wondering whats so bad about living in the self proclaimed beautiful island, click here and see what it can do to you, considering if you've been living in Penang for all your life. This can get worse. Bwahaha, sue me Deena.

The place is allright, its good if you wanna dump all your work and chill for a couple of days, Penang would be ideal, yes...because you can laugh at almost everything there, its all stupid for no apparent reason, here's some stuff that you can see/feel/hear/eat/experince /whatsofuckinever only in Penang :-

• Driving is madness, i drove for 2 days and i felt like giving up drinking driving altogether, you can get your poor self into accident if you abandon your concentration for mere 0.3 sec(s). You will listen horns like everywhere for no reason, its like they just found out what horns in cars are, to honk and annoy the crap out of you. Well what happened was, i was driving on my lane, some Chinese old bugger on the opposite direction riding his bike towards me, on my lane, and guess what, motherfucker honked at me. Brilliant fucktard. I wonder what his mom fed him, prolly some pearls and mule shit.
• Botanical Garden - There's nothing botanical about this place, just a bunch of peanut-stealing, small-children-scaring, upskirt-fetishist, immigrant-molesting monkeys. No, not humans, real monkeys, yes. These monkeys are wicked, they will annoy the breakfast out of you. Count a couple of gay Banglas in. They enjoy gay love in Botanical Garden maybe because they have deep penetration connection with the subhuman primates.
  
• There are more horses than indians dogs in Batu Feringghi beach.
  
• Sleeping Buddha - allright, we get it, he's Buddha and he's sleeping, whats the big fuckin deal about it, everyone sleeps, even rodents.
• Weird sight, things that you can actually encounter on the roads when youre driving
  
  1. Pasembor bike(some modifed bike, looks half bike, half dining table) overtaking your car on traffic jams. Wow!
  2. Beca - its everywhere in the city, small children from KL would go like "Daddy daddy, what the fuck is that?" when they see one.
  3. More bicycles than motorcyles, and yeah they have buses without air condition still.
  4. No one gives a damn about wonderbra zebra crossing.
• Nasi lemak with fish, its weird, really, its not ikan bilis, and its not a fully grown fish, its like some teenage fish or ,maybe the retarded ones. Wait..i get it, its a midget fish. Only in Penang.
• Rojak is pasembor, cibai cabai is chilli, nyiur is coconut and they still use the term kupang, and some poor KL mothefucker gonna get confused like shit.
• One and only 'happening' (according to them) club is called Slippery Shithole Senorita. Apparently everyone goes there.
• Food is cheap, yes, but the portions are much more smaller, even a midget might need to double the order. So pratically its not that cheap. What a bunch of lying fuckholes.
• My dad bought drink for like 13 of us, drinks like soya bean and stuff, guess how much was it, RM 3.00, dirt cheap, yes, but the stuff is good.
• Nasi Kandar, i have to admit its really good here, but trick of nasi kandar is just the rice is salted slightly, that gives it the extra taste.
  
• Some of them are really stupid, you can actually skip the Penang bridge toll and get in for free. Allright, just kidding.

KL is not that great afterall, I live in Shah Alam, and you know what kinda shithole place is that, if you know what i mean. But seriously, i love to be in Penang, just for a week, not more than that, prolly because its so much different from KL, the lifestyle is on a much more slower pace, not the fucking cars there though. Its a great place to relax, and enjoy your holidays, and pig out at the nearest nasi kandar restaurant.

Old buildings in Penang are really beautiful, great B&W photography subject, me likes.

Although Penang is a little retarded with a tint of weirdness, but its truly beautiful. Hypocrite? Uhm..

Out!

No monkeys were harmed during the vacation period.